Grampa’s Handy-Dandy Rules For Living, Vol. 8 5 comments

Posted by grampa in grampa's handy-dandy rules for living (Wednesday April 4, 2007 at 10:50 pm)

(Taken from one of the twelve step programs.  I think it’s No-Ass Havers anonymous, but I’m not really sure.)

Rule # 235:  You can’t save your face and your ass at the same time.

Right, so people may wonder why I tell people who I’ve hardly met before, like first dates, people I meet at the gym and have known for five minutes, complete strangers at the coffee shop (“oh what did you do before you were a paralegal?” – “Well, I was a criminal.”) about the details of my past.

Well, I certainly don’t do it out of some Platonic Ideal of the truth with a capital “T”, that’s for fuck’n sure.  I do it, simply, out of short-term, stupid self interest.

I do it because I have to own that shit, like, daily. 

You see, I have no shame about my past.  What I do have is a lot of fear about what will happen if I let that shit take over my life again.  So, I need to remain humble and just own my mistakes.

Sure, I scare away a lot of girls this way.  Yeah, there are people that don’t invite me to Christmas parties anymore, and I’ve lost a few friends over it, too.

But, you know what?  Fuck ’em.

Because there is a part of my brain that cares what people think.  Unfortunately, this is the part of my brain that wants me to get loaded and die, too.  The other part of my brain wants me to stay alive and, to do so, I need to remind myself, often, about the flaws of my character.

Besides, if I scare some people away, I really didn’t want those pussies in my life anyway.  If they can’t accept me as I am, after it took so very long for me to be happy with myself, then they can throw their sorry asses under a bus for all I care.

You’re either on the bus, or you’re under it, bitches.

I be over here with my seemingly boring life, happy as all hell and cheering as the bus sheers off your legs.

View 5 comments

5 comments for Grampa’s Handy-Dandy Rules For Living, Vol. 8 »

I used to call that sort of thing my “asshole filter.”
Just keep filtering the assholes out. Life is better that way.

Comment by iamnot — Thursday.April.5.2007 @ 4:53 am

you GO grampa!

Comment by xtx — Thursday.April.5.2007 @ 8:23 am

Sheesh, yesterday you made me laugh. Today you made me cry. It’s ok, really. I cry often, it’s good to cry. I have this habit of putting myself inside other people to get a feel for their guts. It hurt me to feel what I felt. But I admire you like crazy. You’re probably stronger in an hour than a lot of people in their entire lives. That counts for something like amazing in my book. Why can’t people realize that we’re all the same and different too? That you’re happy with yourself; that’s the best part :-) If I could, I would shake your hand.
I’m sorry if this came off too personal. It’s how I am.

Comment by One Wink — Thursday.April.5.2007 @ 11:03 am

your fucking rock grampa!

loving that quote, “You’re either on the bus, or you’re under it, bitches.

we are taught not to regret the past, b/c we have to own that past and our responsibility to it.

as you know, lots of folks out there haven’t the first clue about the courage that takes.

amen brotha.

Comment by piglet — Thursday.April.5.2007 @ 5:40 pm

If you’ve lost friends because of telling the truth & being yourself, then they weren’t your friends to begin with. Hopefully someday they, too, can accept other people as they are. If not, oh well, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. You can come to my Christmas parties, Gramps:)

Comment by emmy em — Sunday.April.8.2007 @ 3:15 pm

Leave a comment


(required, not published)

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI