Have No Fear, Damage Control Is Here 12 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love (Monday October 16, 2006 at 10:39 am)

As you may know, yesterday there was an earthquake here in Hawaii.  While little 3 and 4-pointers are common, it was the largest that I’ve ever experienced.  I was in bed with my girlfriend at the time and, while there was some serious house shaking going on for almost a minute, the only damage that we really suffered was some pictures fell off the wall and broke and the contents of bookshelves and closets disgorged.

Power was off for most of the day.

So, while the neighbors were running around trying to figure out what to do, we busted out MadMartigan’s camping stove and set to making coffee with the French press.  After that, I cooked some bacon and heated up the fajitas I’d made the night before.

I don’t know about you, but when a crisis strikes, my first thoughts are on getting some coffee and a good meal, you never know how long it will be before the next one.

I told the room-mate he should get his guns out.  You see, while I had ten pounds of Kona coffee, I only had a pot’s worth already ground.  Now, don’t get me wrong, if need be, I’d’ve just chewed up handfuls of those bitches without hesitation.  But, such as it was, we only had a small supply of immediately brewable coffee.  I figured when the natives smelled the coffee and bacon, they might all be thinking they could come get some.  I hate to tell you people, but the plan was that MadMartigan might just to have to start sniping those fuckers from the roof. 

I think we’d start with those cocksuckers across the street.  You know, the ones with the dog.

Speaking of the dog, over breakfast MadMartigan, The Girl and I were talking about harvesting the neighbors’ goat, dog and chickens so that we could ensure a steady meat supply.  We decided that we would lay in a 50# bag of salt in the event of the next emergency.

Everything is well here, the neighbors and their vermin are still alive, I’m still hating them and loving life and I’ll be back as often as I can.

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12 comments for Have No Fear, Damage Control Is Here »

dude, seriously, give a call. i need more kona before the entire “shit- trail” of an island chain goes under for good…….oh, and we’re concerned for your well-being also.
the shaking didn’t disturb the coffee plants, did it?

Comment by yow of the mainland — Monday.October.16.2006 @ 12:44 pm


holy crap. if there’s ever a zombie related apocalypse, my money’s on you to surivive.

Comment by boobs radley — Monday.October.16.2006 @ 1:59 pm


Wait, your neighbor has goats, chickens AND a dog? Are they MOVE members or what?

Comment by MamaQ — Tuesday.October.17.2006 @ 4:06 pm


One neighbor has a goat, another neighbor has chickens and the dog.

I’m also not above eating their children. Mmmm. Veal.

Comment by grampa — Tuesday.October.17.2006 @ 4:11 pm


That girl of yours must have mellowed you out about the dog. Last time I heard, you had meatballs on the front porch. Glad you are still kicking.

Comment by DrinkJack — Tuesday.October.17.2006 @ 4:26 pm


uh, when did you get a bitch? Was it really an earthquake or just great sex?

Comment by PeeWee — Tuesday.October.17.2006 @ 4:44 pm


“Girlfriend”?

When did this happen? Oh, and congratulations!

Comment by Avatar — Tuesday.October.17.2006 @ 8:41 pm


Glad you’re still alive! Also glad to hear that the gf has a sense of humor.

Comment by emmy — Thursday.October.19.2006 @ 8:56 am


so… “the house was moving and shaking for almost a minute”? teehee… quick draw magraw huh?

Comment by wendykat — Friday.October.20.2006 @ 5:53 pm


I know I’m a bit behind, but so glad for the update.

EVERYTHING is better with bacon.

Comment by 123Valerie — Sunday.October.22.2006 @ 1:53 pm


Dude, get a hand-cranked grinder. It’ll handle the coffee, and you can use it to make bone meal, too. It’ll be easier to hide the pet remains.

Comment by JW — Thursday.October.26.2006 @ 10:13 am


[…] Later, as we were preparing breakfast, I said to her, referring to our budding relationship, “Baby, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll remember you forever.” […]

Pingback by Grampa’s House » My Hemingway Moment — Monday.February.5.2007 @ 4:35 pm


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