Ahoy, Matey! Now Bend Over. 9 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Friday June 23, 2006 at 9:22 pm)

I’ve been having some vision problems due to one of the many medicines I’m currently taking for my host of ills.  At least I think it’s one of the medicines.  It could have been that, when I was dry-heaving for three days prior to my most recent hospitalization, I ruptured the laser surgery I had in December to fix a crack in my retina.  I won’t know until I fly to Honolulu next Friday and see the specialist.

What I do know is that by about 2 p.m. I’m pretty much blind and it is very hard to see unless I have my right eye closed.  So, I’ve been wearing an eye-patch in the afternoons.  This is good for a couple of reasons.  One, it allows me to satisfy my pirate fantasy I’ve had since I’ve been a wee lad.  Two, leering at the pretty girls that work at the hair salon across the street is much better when wearing an eye patch.  No one leers like a one-eyed pirate.  At least not me as a one-eyed pirate.

Now, if I could just find someone who will fuck me while I am wearing this thing.  Prepare to be boarded.  Now that would be special.  If you’re out there, (call me). 

What, just ’cause I’m blind you think I can’t still fuck?  Please. 

And, to all you representatives of the external, don’t even think for a second that just because I can’t see you, that I don’t still hate every single one of you.

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9 comments for Ahoy, Matey! Now Bend Over. »

Ok, the pirate sex fantasy is one that I admit I’ve never had.

Do you have a wooden leg, too?

Comment by teahouseblossom — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 3:40 am

Hey Gramps, If there ain’t a picture of said scene available, then make it your Saturday mission and GO FUCKIN’ GET ONE!

Comment by Wook — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 4:30 am

Preferably with her bent over, you behind with said eye patch while the camera is forward at an upward angle. Yeah, that’s the shot.

Comment by DrinkJack — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 5:08 am

All of you are disturbed, lol.

Comment by theinsider — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 9:13 am

You can shiver my timbers any time, luv.

Comment by Avatar — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 11:16 am

Av, you always know just what to say to make a man feel better. Thanks.

Comment by grampa — Saturday.June.24.2006 @ 3:31 pm

If you don’t have the wearwithall to live the dream, I can tell you that as far as video interpretations of pirate sex fantasies go, “Pirates” wasn’t bad. Was one of the most expensive porns ever made. Hot chicks, but heavy on plot. Plot’s not my thing.

I’ve recently thought that being blind might make sex easier to get and more enjoyable to have. I’ve got my reasons.

As far as my fantasies go, I want to do a series of live actions shorts about a fledgling pirate who goes by the name of “Captain Morey”.

He doesn’t have a ship because he’s only been a pirate for a couple of weeks, so he uses a boogie board.

His battle cry is “Prepare to be boarded…boogie boarded that is.”

Hilarity ensues.


Copyright me, ye scurvy dogs.

Comment by Thundah — Wednesday.June.28.2006 @ 8:41 am

Side effects from going off nexium….

Dangers of nexium. How can i lose the weight i gained on nexium….

Trackback by Nexium. — Saturday.January.19.2008 @ 7:45 pm

This is a pretty funny one. I’ve never thought of “prepare to be boarded” in that particular context before. Hmmm…

Comment by Scurvy — Sunday.August.24.2008 @ 10:16 pm

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