Attachments 6 comments

Posted by grampa in the real shit (Thursday January 31, 2008 at 5:54 pm)

In the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, I’ve learned many things.  One of them is that you can’t force change on other people, though I knew this myself, cause no one can force it on me.

But you can help other people.  Like Range, my sponsor, he’s sponsored probably at least 50 guys in this program in the eight years he’s been clean.  Until I came along, every single one of his sponsees relapsed before making one year clean.

He likes to tell people that I broke his perfect streak of failure.  But he never stopped trying, always making himself available, trying to help the newcomer.   He taught me that we try to help other people, we make the effort to help them help themselves, but if they don’t do the footwork, we can’t carry them.  We carry the message, not the addict.

So, he always cautioned me against getting attached to the results of the people I now sponsor.  That I should just make myself available, and try to guide them along the path.  And every sponsee that I’ve ever had, has relapsed before he’s had one year clean. 

At first, it was kind of difficult, because I had formed an attachment where I shouldn’t have.  I should have only been concerned about the effort, my effort, and not someone else’s results.  It’s much less painless that way if they choose to go back out into the storm.

This is the same guy that tells me that “expectations are merely pre-meditated resentments.”

But, tonight, my sponsee makes one year clean.  And while I’ve been careful about not becoming too attached, I am very happy for him, and for me, because I get more out this process than anybody I’ve ever helped, though they’d never believe it.

And I’m still not smoking.

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6 comments for Attachments »

fucken killer.

beaming for the both of you.

incidentally dude, i kind of wish you were my best friend or something.

Comment by meg — Thursday.January.31.2008 @ 9:12 pm


“expectations are merely pre-meditated resentments.”

i don’t mind saying that after i read that line, i did, with a full-on, manly gusto, grope myself- engaging such a dark and furious lust that the dogs did cower and fetal-over into the corner, and have neither licked themselves nor looked me in the eye for well over 4 hours now.

Comment by that Yow guy — Friday.February.1.2008 @ 3:00 am


you are hero material (if heroes mostly fuck and kill)

Comment by xtx — Friday.February.1.2008 @ 4:54 am


Sorry Meg, that position is filled by that Yow guy (where you been, anyway) on the mainland, and by King Tonga on the islands.

But I’ve always wanted a little sister.

I’m off to the gym then work. Good day, all.

Comment by grampa — Friday.February.1.2008 @ 6:04 am


congratulations – to both of you.

I can’t even begin to imagine the strength it takes to be a sponsor. And just as good as your sponsee making it to a year of sobriety — you have made it through a year of helping!

Comment by mia — Friday.February.1.2008 @ 8:33 am


amen brotha, “not for nothin” but i go to al-anon too, it helps me with sponsoring people.

Comment by piglet — Tuesday.February.5.2008 @ 8:13 pm


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