A Brief History of Liver 14 comments

Posted by grampa in health,the real shit (Tuesday August 1, 2006 at 12:20 am)

So, yeah, that Stephen Hawking fucker ain’t got nuthin’ on me.

In fact, I’ll see his big brain and I’ll raise him two working legs and an uncrooked neck. Heh.

I’d been meaning to write this post for a while now, but I guess the timing of it just worked out the way that it was meant to.  This Friday past, I finished the 24th of 48 weeks of chemotherapy. 

Okay, so when I was younger, I was incredibly stupid.  At some point near the end of that period which I like to refer as my Descent into Drugs and Madness, I managed to contract Hepatitis C by sharing needles.  Spare me the lecture, I’m the one that has to live with it. (more…)

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I could hammer a nail with this bitch 5 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Thursday June 29, 2006 at 8:35 am)

Dear Viagra spammers:

Except for comments from Jesus and the Wook which are getting bounced, it seems that you have the exclusive lock on filling up my spam filter.  I want to be VERY CLEAR ABOUT THIS: my liver is fucked, my eyes are shot, my brain feels like it is in a vice and and I have a zit on the side of my neck but MY COCK WORKS JUST FINE, thank you very much.  Stop peddling your product here.  Go see Jerry Falwell.  I’m sure he could use your help with his alterboys.

Yours in struggle,
Grampa

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I’m Gonna Kick Tomorrow 4 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Saturday June 24, 2006 at 11:34 am)

Somewhere between the homicidal thoughts, the vision problems, the mania and the general despair, my most recent attempt to quit smoking has ended.  Badly.

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Ahoy, Matey! Now Bend Over. 9 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Friday June 23, 2006 at 9:22 pm)

I’ve been having some vision problems due to one of the many medicines I’m currently taking for my host of ills.  At least I think it’s one of the medicines.  It could have been that, when I was dry-heaving for three days prior to my most recent hospitalization, I ruptured the laser surgery I had in December to fix a crack in my retina.  I won’t know until I fly to Honolulu next Friday and see the specialist.

What I do know is that by about 2 p.m. I’m pretty much blind and it is very hard to see unless I have my right eye closed.  So, I’ve been wearing an eye-patch in the afternoons.  This is good for a couple of reasons.  One, it allows me to satisfy my pirate fantasy I’ve had since I’ve been a wee lad.  Two, leering at the pretty girls that work at the hair salon across the street is much better when wearing an eye patch.  No one leers like a one-eyed pirate.  At least not me as a one-eyed pirate.

Now, if I could just find someone who will fuck me while I am wearing this thing.  Prepare to be boarded.  Now that would be special.  If you’re out there, (call me). 

What, just ’cause I’m blind you think I can’t still fuck?  Please. 

And, to all you representatives of the external, don’t even think for a second that just because I can’t see you, that I don’t still hate every single one of you.

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