Junkie, Heal Thyself 9 comments

Posted by grampa in health,the real shit (Tuesday February 5, 2008 at 10:26 pm)

Yeah, so life’s been a bit crazy of late, what with thinking about my future employment, trying to find a new house mate (Madmartigan, move the fuck back to this island, dickface), getting in my daily exercise and dealing with the fact that six to ten inches of rain have fallen here nearly every day for the last two weeks.

Still, I get my lifting in, do my cardio, try and make the rent for next month while desperately seeking a warm body to fill this empty space in my house. Oh, yeah, and I go to work, too.

And, I haven’t smoked a cigarette since last Monday and I still haven’t killed anyone, even though I did have a 3 hour NA service meeting on Sunday morning. I’ve mentioned this meeting before here.

But, I’m happy to say, I had my last appointment with the liver specialist today and, at one year post-interferon treatment, the Hepatitis C virus is still completely undetectable in my system.

Hence, I’m fuck’n cured, bitches! And on December 12,2007, I made four years clean and sober.

And, you know what, that whole not dying thing is kinda cool. So I’m not really going to sweat the small stuff.

I don’t know what this life has in store for me, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll come out clean on the other side.

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Don’t Call It A Comeback 10 comments

Posted by grampa in health (Wednesday January 30, 2008 at 12:27 pm)

Yeah, so I haven’t had a shred of nicotine for 48 hours.

And everyone is still alive. 

I don’t even miss it, really.  I’m on that new medication Chantix, you take if for two weeks, then you stop smoking.  Well, for me, by like the fourth day I had already cut my consumption in half.  By the end of the two weeks, it was like I had to remind myself to smoke – like after a big meal or a heavy workout – times I’d usually be dying for a cigarette. 

Then I got real sick at the end of last week and it was just too much effort to haul my ass off the couch to go outside and smoke.   I had one or two each day and I thought that I was out Sunday night.  I found three cigarettes Monday morning and smoked all three of them on the way to work and that was that. 

I don’t really feel any withdrawals or anything.

Even being stuck in traffic this morning, I wasn’t swearing at anyone.  It’s pretty fuck’n amazing.

Bad side, it costs about $120 a month and isn’t covered by health insurance.  Good side, you only need to take it from three to six months.  Considering the costs of smoking these days, cheap by comparisson.

And, after beating that whole liver disease thing, it would really suck to die from something like smoking cigarettes.  I mean, shit, after all the things I’ve done to this body, cigarettes?  I don’t fuck’n think so.

I’ll keep you posted.

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Enjoy Your Vacation Douchebags 3 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Tuesday January 29, 2008 at 7:06 am)

It’s been rainy, and down right cold here, cold for here, for days.  I swear, it’s rained 4 out of the last five days, and when I say rained, I mean like non-fuck’n stop.  And it’s been in the 50s during the day and going down into the 40s at night.

And before you pussies with your swanky east coast lives start sayin’ that’s nothing, well, consider this, you’re sick as fuck, can’t get warm and there isn’t any heating source in your house.

Still, I think I sweated out the cold last night night, either that or I had a bucket load sized wet dream, but the Thera-flu, Nyquil and Ambien combo really worked.  Heath Ledger was a pussy.

Alright that last one was a cheap shot, but, really, you want to combine all this shit together, then you’d better at least do the research, as discussed in the last post.

Have a great day.

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Oh Yeah, Now I Remember 3 comments

Posted by grampa in health (Monday January 28, 2008 at 7:41 pm)

Yeah, so I’m still sick as hell and in the comments on the last post someone suggested Thera-flu.  And, I’ll admit, I kinda forgot about Thera-flu but I used to swear by it.

In fact, there was this one New Year’s Eve when I had a fever of 102 and I refused to stay in (honestly, I think it had to do with the fact that I had a whole lot of drugs to sell and really needed to capitalize on the stupidity of most New Year’s Eve-ers), so I was chugging the Thera-flu, with a line or two of cocaine in there, you know, to steady the nerves.

Anyway, I didn’t really drink much on New Year’s, because, let’s face it, if you’re driving from one party to another with a car full of drugs, you should probably be able to pass a breath-a-lyzer (I mean, from just the probable cause stand point, right?). 

The other reason I didn’t drink much on that particular night of the year, was that there’s just too many amateur drunks on the road and if you’re already on six hits of acid, some Thera-flu and a line or two, then you really need to stay sharp to watch out for those other fuckers who don’t know what they’re doing.

So, by the end of the night, I finally reached a stopping point and I was able to drink without worry, so I was mixing rum and Thera.  Now this isn’t something I suggest, unless you have an advanced degree in human pharmacology, which, fortunately, I have.

But that’s not the reason I started to write this, the real reason is why I stopped drinking Thera-flu.  It’s because it was one of the things that I used to detox from heroin (again, people, don’t try this shit at home), several of the too, too many times that I had to do it on my own.  Now, this isn’t what they’d give you in a detox - but a triple mug of Thera, a dozen benadryl and half a bottle of Pepto will buy you about four hours of peace. 

And that’s not half bad, considering.

But, after having stuck myself together through work today with Superglu, band aids, and an Alka Seltzer cold plus every two hours, I figured I needed to get the big guns if I was gonna make it through tomorrow.

The old familiar warmth is comin’ on now, and, with it, another old pang or two of something not quite like nostalgia, because nostalgia is a rememberance of a happy time.  This is more like the phantom pain of a lost limb.

But, hey, at least my nose has finally stopped fuck’n runnin’.


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The Horror 6 comments

Posted by grampa in health,the real shit (Thursday January 10, 2008 at 3:03 pm)

I’m currently detoxing from sleep meds, after nearly fourteen months of continuous use.  I had to start taking them when I was on the interferon, but I figured that it was time to get off.

I’m still able to work, but part of this feeling is similar to that of heroin withdrawal - you get the whole body shakes, the hot/cold flashes, the multiple sneezes/runny nose, the general lethargy and I’m restless, irritable and discontent. The only thing really missing is the aching bones and constant diarrhea.

I’m able to work and live, but just feel generally like shit  But I’ve been much, much worse.  I also know that it won’t last very long.  The hardest part – is not drinking coffee after noon to “try and develop healthy sleep habits.” 

Yeah, we’ll see how long that fuck’n lasts.  The first day I can’t drag my sorry ass to the gym after work, that shit’s out the window.

The sickest part of the whole experience – it’s like a familiar misery.  I remember this feeling from jonesing for dope.  It brings back memories, some good, others quite tragic.  It’s like hooking up with an old girlfriend who is a fantastic fuck but every waking moment with the bitch is pure hell.

But, I made four years clean and sober on December 12th, so that’s something.

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Setbacks 8 comments

Posted by grampa in health (Wednesday April 11, 2007 at 3:05 pm)

I really, really had wanted to post every day this month, but setbacks can and do happen.  Take my exercise program, for one.  I’m now the proud owner a huge swollen purple penis foot.

I’d like to be able to tell you that it happened saving some little brown girl from a semi barreling down upon her in traffic (which, incidentally, is what I’m telling other little brown girls that ask), but that would be a lie.

You see, I slipped getting out of the shower the other day and man, did I fuck things up.  It’s hideous.  The doctor says it’s going to take weeks for it to stop hurting and get back to normal.

I’ve managed to convince myself that I can get back to the gym next week (okay, so I realize the stairmaster and the elliptical may be out, but the bike, surely the bike, must be okay on the ankle.  Right?  Right.).  I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’m with Erin, though.  This showering thing?  For the fuck’n birds.

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Where’s Waldo? 12 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Wednesday March 28, 2007 at 7:18 am)

Right, so I realize that I’ve been gone for far too long, but sometimes life just gets complicated and full and something has to get cut out and lately it’s been blogging.

That being said, I’m going to make a conscious effort to try and get back to it.

Just as an update, I thought that I’d let the world at large know that I finished the year-long interferon treatment for my hepatits C back in mid-January.  One month later, I took blood tests to see if the virus had come back.  A few weeks ago I got the results.

It hasn’t.

I didn’t truly realize how much the various drugs and fear that it would return had been weighing on me, how much it really hurt, until it was over.  I mean, still, it may come back, they’ll check at six months and one year and if it hasn’t come back, then it’s considered a cure.  But, today, life is pretty fucking fantastic.  I’m off almost all of the massive amount of prescriptions that I was taking, I’ve beat back the two month long cheeseburger and ice cream bender that I was on as a result of being bummed out about the death of my last relationship and I’m feeling, well, better than I ever have.  I’ve been on this insane exercise program, working out twice a day everyday (man that stairmaster is a bitch), eating right and getting plenty of sleep. 

I’ve been really busy with NA related activities and the guys that I sponsor in the program and I’ve been dating again.  I haven’t found anyone that I see a relationship forming with at this time, but ol’ Grumpus is back in the game.

I’ve come to the conclusion that, having cheated death as many times as I have, that this whole living life thing doesn’t need to be so difficult and that, at times, I choose to make it complicated.  Lately, I’ve been really good at just kicking back and letting life happen instead of trying to force anything.

Unfortunately, this happiness and inner calm thing that I’ve got going on right now doesn’t make for the best writing fodder, as, and you may have noticed, I tend towards the cynical and sardonic. 

That being said I’ll dig deep into my bag of suppressed rage and hatred of the external to report to you on the state of the Gramps in the coming days and weeks.

Just remember, I’m only doing this for you.

And just as an aside, I was driving home from Hilo the other day and there was this old homeless guy walking down the street, huge bushy hair, like King Tonga’s, only white, and a long Gandalf beard.  He was sort of dejectedly staring at the ground, shuffling along on the side of the road, not paying attention to anyone or anything.

Except, he had his left hand up and was flipping the bird to everyone and everything that passed him.  Not looking for any reaction, mind you, as he was staring at the ground, but just giving the old high five to the cocksucking external.

I immediately rolled my window down and screamed “Yeaaaaaaaaaah,” as, indeed, here was a kindred spirit. 

Had I been going the same way, I’d’ve givin’ that fucker a ride.

Immediately I called Tonga to report this (King Tonga and I flip each other off every time we see each other.  It’s my decidedly East Coast version of the Hawaiian kiss on the cheek greeting).  He said “Shit, you must feel right at home.”

And you know what?

I do.

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Even At Our Worst, We’re Still Better Than Most 17 comments

Posted by grampa in family,health,I am full of love,the real shit (Tuesday December 19, 2006 at 8:59 pm)

For my own personal reasons, I now measure years from December 12 so I’m glad to say that 2006 is officially over.  Good riddance.

Let us recap, shall we?


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A Day That Will Live in Infamy 6 comments

Posted by grampa in health,the real shit (Tuesday December 12, 2006 at 9:29 am)

Three Years. 

Today marks three years to the day since I moved out to Hawaii and started my life on a different path.  And while the past year has been a very difficult one, I harbor no illusions, I know that it could be so much worse.  So, that strong urge to drown myself in two fifths of bourbon the other night?  Yeah, you know the one.  I decided that perhaps that might not be the solution that I was looking for, so I didn’t do it.

Against my better judgment.

Though, today I’m glad I didn’t.

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Sweet 12 comments

Posted by grampa in health (Thursday August 3, 2006 at 8:14 am)

Is it a bad thing when three people in four days tell you the following?

“Smoking?  I give you a free pass for the next six months.”

“Cigarettes are the least of your worries, so smoke all you want.”

“You have far to much to be concerned about now to even think about quitting smoking.  Save that one for next year.”

Does it make it worse that those three people are your treating physicians?

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