This Could Only Be Better If They Caught Him Snorting Meth Off the Ass Of A 16 Year-Old Boy 0 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love,random shit (Monday June 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm)

James Dobson, cracker-ass evangelist extraordinaire, when speaking about Barack Obama said…..wait for it…

“I think he’s deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own worldview, his own confused theology,”

“… He is dragging biblical understanding through the gutter.”

Oh Fortune, how you mock me.  Art, Life – what’s the difference?

This may be better than the midget.

Complete article here.

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Fuck You! And Your Cat 4 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love (Thursday February 14, 2008 at 2:31 pm)

Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Yeah, I just got an email from my ex-girlfriend asking me if I sent something to her work place. 

I replied, “Sorry, I don’t fight battles I can’t win, must be some other sucker.”

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Enjoy Your Vacation Douchebags 3 comments

Posted by grampa in health,I am full of love (Tuesday January 29, 2008 at 7:06 am)

It’s been rainy, and down right cold here, cold for here, for days.  I swear, it’s rained 4 out of the last five days, and when I say rained, I mean like non-fuck’n stop.  And it’s been in the 50s during the day and going down into the 40s at night.

And before you pussies with your swanky east coast lives start sayin’ that’s nothing, well, consider this, you’re sick as fuck, can’t get warm and there isn’t any heating source in your house.

Still, I think I sweated out the cold last night night, either that or I had a bucket load sized wet dream, but the Thera-flu, Nyquil and Ambien combo really worked.  Heath Ledger was a pussy.

Alright that last one was a cheap shot, but, really, you want to combine all this shit together, then you’d better at least do the research, as discussed in the last post.

Have a great day.

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Fuck You, External 10 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love (Sunday January 27, 2008 at 9:31 am)

I hate flu shots.  Yeah, I got mine on Friday, I think about 2 days too late. 

Yesterday disappeared in a Nyquil and Alka Seltzer Cold Plus haze, my back feels like shit cause I slept like 30 hours on an uncomfortable couch, I’m outta Nyquil, it’s been raining for the last 30 hours and I hate you all.

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Am I Wrong Here? 8 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love (Tuesday January 22, 2008 at 12:51 pm)

‘Cause the first thing that I thought of when I heard that Heath Ledger had joined the River Phoenix club, was “Man, I sure hope they finished shooting the new Batman movie.”

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Baby, I’m An Anarchist 1 comments

Posted by grampa in history lesson,I am full of love,the real shit (Monday January 21, 2008 at 8:34 pm)

You know, I’ve worn many hats in my day, from Generalissimo/Head Librarian, Lysergic Terrorist, Walking Frenzy, Drug Dealer, Felon, to, most recently, Respected Member of the Community (I know, this one’s a little hard to swallow).

You see, I became a community activist for a short while these last few months.  The gym I go to is run by the YMCA and, two weeks before Thanksgiving, they announced that there was going to be a member’s meeting the next day and that they were going to close the following Monday.

So, naturally, acting as I always do – on pure, unrivaled self interest – I dusted off my old Rabble Rouser hat and set to uniting the community to rise up against the YMCA and save my their gym.  So I, along with a few other Rousers, gathered together about sixty people for the meeting.

Knowing the value of propaganda, due to (a) a love of Goebbels and (b) a love of (the Rubberneck), I made sure that all the island papers new about and were at the meeting.

The Y was totally unprepared for the turnout (they didn’t even have enough chairs set up – not even close) and they were awed by the level of hostility of the townsfolk towards the YMCA for closing the gym.

They made some promises, we set up committees, had membership drives, got lots of people to donate time and money and I was actually nice to most of these people most of the time (I said MOST), and the Y agreed to keep the place open for a few more months and then move it into another building that they owned and continue to operate the center.

Great, problem solved!

Until yesterday, when there was another member’s meeting and they said that unless the community can come up with $90,000.00 in a week, they’re shuttin’ the fucker down.

Now, the YMCA on this island has a history of corruption going back more than a decade.  A million dollars was donated for a swimming pool back in the 90s and that money has mysteriously disappeared.  Shit like that, ad nauseam.

Anyway, I saw the Executive Director of the Y today while I was working out.  I said, “So that’s it, huh, you’ve just been blowing smoke up our asses for the last two months?”

She said, “Well, unless the town comes up with a miracle, yeah, then that’s it.”

To which I replied, “Honey, this town has given the YMCA more miracles than it deserves and you’ve fucked up every single one of them.  Don’t be lookin’ for us to bail you out again.”

Next time I start feeling some kind of community spirit,  I’m just gonna get back to my roots and throw a brick through a Starbucks window.

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The Great Hunt 2 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love (Monday January 7, 2008 at 11:53 pm)

One day I will meet my equal in a mate and we will be great. Fey and terrible to behold.  The fires of our passions will consume those of the mere mortals, and yet our compassions will buoy the world.

Let the theme of 2008 be The Hunt Begins.

Oh, it is so on, bitches.

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The Hypocrites, the Self Righteous And The Bastards (Literally) 3 comments

Posted by grampa in history lesson,I am full of love (Monday November 19, 2007 at 8:53 pm)

And the hits just keep on comin’:

First, way back when, it was Jimmy Swaggart, then Jim Bakker busted a nut all over Jessica Hahn and lost the keys to the kingdom, then Oral Roberts saw a 900 foot Jesus in Tulsa Oklahoma, then Ted Haggard is busted snorting meth off the ass of a seventeen year old boy, then Oral Roberts’ son is busted for stealing money from 900 Foot Jesus University.  Now this.

Man, I don’t know about you, but it causes me to have great faith in Jesus the Miracle Caterer.

(Some of these links may not be safe for work.  Unless you work in a church, then you’re cool).

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I’m Back In the Saddle Again 5 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love,random shit (Sunday November 18, 2007 at 11:59 pm)

Today has just been a wonderful day.  I cleaned my house, went to Kona to Walmart and CostCo, got my full workout in, made chicken fajitas and just had a wonderful conversation with a new little brown girl.

Oh, and I saw the greatest bumper sticker EVER:

Jesus Loves You.
Everyone Else Thinks You’re an Asshole

Goodnight Jesus (and everyone really does think you’re an asshole).

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Fuck Bringing Sexy Back, Bring Back the Bitter 23 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,grampa's handy-dandy rules for living,I am full of love,the real shit (Wednesday September 12, 2007 at 12:15 am)

You know, sometimes I wonder while I even allow myself to believe in the illusion that I can ever be truly happy.  I mean, shit, I know that I’m better off a bitter, cynical bastard.

Shame on me for thinking that it could ever be any other way.

That’s right, kids, Girl 2007.1 is now a smoking ash-heap. 

But, with the illusion of happiness draining away, I now feel the creative juices of spite and sarcasm boiling in my blood once again.  I’m back, bitches.

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