Baby, I’m An Anarchist 1 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love, history lesson, the real shit (Monday January 21, 2008 at 8:34 pm)

You know, I’ve worn many hats in my day, from Generalissimo/Head Librarian, Lysergic Terrorist, Walking Frenzy, Drug Dealer, Felon, to, most recently, Respected Member of the Community (I know, this one’s a little hard to swallow).

You see, I became a community activist for a short while these last few months.  The gym I go to is run by the YMCA and, two weeks before Thanksgiving, they announced that there was going to be a member’s meeting the next day and that they were going to close the following Monday.

So, naturally, acting as I always do - on pure, unrivaled self interest - I dusted off my old Rabble Rouser hat and set to uniting the community to rise up against the YMCA and save my their gym.  So I, along with a few other Rousers, gathered together about sixty people for the meeting.

Knowing the value of propaganda, due to (a) a love of Goebbels and (b) a love of (the Rubberneck), I made sure that all the island papers new about and were at the meeting.

The Y was totally unprepared for the turnout (they didn’t even have enough chairs set up - not even close) and they were awed by the level of hostility of the townsfolk towards the YMCA for closing the gym.

They made some promises, we set up committees, had membership drives, got lots of people to donate time and money and I was actually nice to most of these people most of the time (I said MOST), and the Y agreed to keep the place open for a few more months and then move it into another building that they owned and continue to operate the center.

Great, problem solved!

Until yesterday, when there was another member’s meeting and they said that unless the community can come up with $90,000.00 in a week, they’re shuttin’ the fucker down.

Now, the YMCA on this island has a history of corruption going back more than a decade.  A million dollars was donated for a swimming pool back in the 90s and that money has mysteriously disappeared.  Shit like that, ad nauseam.

Anyway, I saw the Executive Director of the Y today while I was working out.  I said, “So that’s it, huh, you’ve just been blowing smoke up our asses for the last two months?”

She said, “Well, unless the town comes up with a miracle, yeah, then that’s it.”

To which I replied, “Honey, this town has given the YMCA more miracles than it deserves and you’ve fucked up every single one of them.  Don’t be lookin’ for us to bail you out again.”

Next time I start feeling some kind of community spirit,  I’m just gonna get back to my roots and throw a brick through a Starbucks window.

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The Hypocrites, the Self Righteous And The Bastards (Literally) 3 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love, history lesson (Monday November 19, 2007 at 8:53 pm)

And the hits just keep on comin’:

First, way back when, it was Jimmy Swaggart, then Jim Bakker busted a nut all over Jessica Hahn and lost the keys to the kingdom, then Oral Roberts saw a 900 foot Jesus in Tulsa Oklahoma, then Ted Haggard is busted snorting meth off the ass of a seventeen year old boy, then Oral Roberts’ son is busted for stealing money from 900 Foot Jesus University.  Now this.

Man, I don’t know about you, but it causes me to have great faith in Jesus the Miracle Caterer.

(Some of these links may not be safe for work.  Unless you work in a church, then you’re cool).

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My Sweet Lord 4 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love, history lesson (Saturday April 7, 2007 at 11:57 pm)

Okay, so I was going to write a spectacular diatribe about Good Friday and Easter, but I’ve had food poisoning for the last day and change, so I couldn’t pull my head out of the toilet for long enough to do so.

However, there is always tomorrow.

See, in the Christian view of things, that Jew dude, I think his name was Jesus (Hey-Seuss),  has been nailed to a piece of wood, stabbed with a spear and has kicked it (or been kicked, depending on which side of the spear you’re on).

As the story goes, Hey-Seuss will rise from the dead tomorrow, because of the massive sugar rush resulting from the consumption of his own body weight in grape Starburst Jelly Beans

And Peeps, lots of Peeps.

And, as we all know, I hate to kick a man when he is down.  So, I’ll wait until tomorrow to kick that sorry ass peep eater. 

Pussy.

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