You know, I’ve worn many hats in my day, from Generalissimo/Head Librarian, Lysergic Terrorist, Walking Frenzy, Drug Dealer, Felon, to, most recently, Respected Member of the Community (I know, this one’s a little hard to swallow).
You see, I became a community activist for a short while these last few months. The gym I go to is run by the YMCA and, two weeks before Thanksgiving, they announced that there was going to be a member’s meeting the next day and that they were going to close the following Monday.
So, naturally, acting as I always do - on pure, unrivaled self interest - I dusted off my old Rabble Rouser hat and set to uniting the community to rise up against the YMCA and save
my their gym. So I, along with a few other Rousers, gathered together about sixty people for the meeting.
Knowing the value of propaganda, due to (a) a love of Goebbels and (b) a love of (the Rubberneck), I made sure that all the island papers new about and were at the meeting.
The Y was totally unprepared for the turnout (they didn’t even have enough chairs set up - not even close) and they were awed by the level of hostility of the townsfolk towards the YMCA for closing the gym.
They made some promises, we set up committees, had membership drives, got lots of people to donate time and money and I was actually nice to most of these people most of the time (I said MOST), and the Y agreed to keep the place open for a few more months and then move it into another building that they owned and continue to operate the center.
Great, problem solved!
Until yesterday, when there was another member’s meeting and they said that unless the community can come up with $90,000.00 in a week, they’re shuttin’ the fucker down.
Now, the YMCA on this island has a history of corruption going back more than a decade. A million dollars was donated for a swimming pool back in the 90s and that money has mysteriously disappeared. Shit like that, ad nauseam.
Anyway, I saw the Executive Director of the Y today while I was working out. I said, “So that’s it, huh, you’ve just been blowing smoke up our asses for the last two months?”
She said, “Well, unless the town comes up with a miracle, yeah, then that’s it.”
To which I replied, “Honey, this town has given the YMCA more miracles than it deserves and you’ve fucked up every single one of them. Don’t be lookin’ for us to bail you out again.”
Next time I start feeling some kind of community spirit, I’m just gonna get back to my roots and throw a brick through a Starbucks window.