It Never Got Weird Enough For Me, Vol. II 3 comments

Posted by grampa in dating (Wednesday December 20, 2006 at 3:12 pm)

The pharmacist was flirting with me today.  I think I’ll date her next.  After that, maybe a cop.

Grampa, wringing every last drop of irony out of life, since 1972.

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Have No Fear, Damage Control Is Here 12 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love (Monday October 16, 2006 at 10:39 am)

As you may know, yesterday there was an earthquake here in Hawaii.  While little 3 and 4-pointers are common, it was the largest that I’ve ever experienced.  I was in bed with my girlfriend at the time and, while there was some serious house shaking going on for almost a minute, the only damage that we really suffered was some pictures fell off the wall and broke and the contents of bookshelves and closets disgorged.

Power was off for most of the day.

So, while the neighbors were running around trying to figure out what to do, we busted out MadMartigan’s camping stove and set to making coffee with the French press.  After that, I cooked some bacon and heated up the fajitas I’d made the night before.

I don’t know about you, but when a crisis strikes, my first thoughts are on getting some coffee and a good meal, you never know how long it will be before the next one.

I told the room-mate he should get his guns out.  You see, while I had ten pounds of Kona coffee, I only had a pot’s worth already ground.  Now, don’t get me wrong, if need be, I’d’ve just chewed up handfuls of those bitches without hesitation.  But, such as it was, we only had a small supply of immediately brewable coffee.  I figured when the natives smelled the coffee and bacon, they might all be thinking they could come get some.  I hate to tell you people, but the plan was that MadMartigan might just to have to start sniping those fuckers from the roof. 

I think we’d start with those cocksuckers across the street.  You know, the ones with the dog.

Speaking of the dog, over breakfast MadMartigan, The Girl and I were talking about harvesting the neighbors’ goat, dog and chickens so that we could ensure a steady meat supply.  We decided that we would lay in a 50# bag of salt in the event of the next emergency.

Everything is well here, the neighbors and their vermin are still alive, I’m still hating them and loving life and I’ll be back as often as I can.

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