Home 0 comments

Posted by grampa in the real shit (Thursday January 29, 2009 at 10:59 am)

I’m staying in Hawaii – after some strange trials and tribulations of the last half a year, I’ve found a really sweet house, a really great room mate and a new job, paying more money than the last one and it’s less than a mile from my house.

I thought for a while that it was time to leave, but I was wrong.  For now, anyway, I’m home.

View 0 comments

This Could Only Be Better If They Caught Him Snorting Meth Off the Ass Of A 16 Year-Old Boy 0 comments

Posted by grampa in I am full of love,random shit (Monday June 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm)

James Dobson, cracker-ass evangelist extraordinaire, when speaking about Barack Obama said…..wait for it…

“I think he’s deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own worldview, his own confused theology,”

“… He is dragging biblical understanding through the gutter.”

Oh Fortune, how you mock me.  Art, Life – what’s the difference?

This may be better than the midget.

Complete article here.

View 0 comments

Le Roi Est Mort, Indeed 5 comments

Posted by grampa in the real shit (Monday June 23, 2008 at 9:57 am)

Truly a sad day here at Grampaland.  One of the greats has fallen. George Carlin is dead. 

Not since the death of Sam Kinison have I felt such a profound sadness at the death of an entertainer.

I had the fortune of seeing him live.  I can’t remember for the life of me where it was.  I believe that it was in Indiana, Pennsylvania, but it could have just as easily been in Wilkes-Barre or Lancaster.  He was as great on stage as he was on HBO or recording and, even though we had heard the all the material before, George could make us laugh with nothing more than inflection and spike. 

Let us not dwell on what is gone, however.  For we were fortunate enough to live in the era when he was at his apex as a performer and a satirist.  Let us be grateful for that.

It will be said of George that He Walked With Giants.

View 5 comments

Man, I Can’t Make This Shit Up 4 comments

Posted by grampa in random shit,the real shit (Monday April 21, 2008 at 6:41 am)

Last night, I met a midget. With rickets.

I have the best life ever.

View 4 comments

Holy Shit! SHE’S THE TERMINATOR! 4 comments

Posted by grampa in grampa's handy-dandy rules for living (Thursday February 21, 2008 at 4:46 pm)

Dude, this is possibly the most disturbing photograph of all time.

View 4 comments

And I Thought My Life Was Getting Weird 6 comments

Posted by grampa in random shit (Friday February 15, 2008 at 2:30 pm)

I just took a call from a potential client who wanted to know if it was legal under Hawaii law to videotape the actions of other people, without their consent, in a condominium of which he, and the people he wants to videotape, are all part owners. 

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because I think that what they’re doing is immoral.”

“Um, okay.  I’m sorry, we don’t handle those kind of issues. You going have to find somebody else.”

The best part – the all have the same last name, so it’s either father watching daughter or wife or some other combination I don’t really want to envision.

View 6 comments

Fuck You! And Your Cat 4 comments

Posted by grampa in dating,I am full of love (Thursday February 14, 2008 at 2:31 pm)

Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Yeah, I just got an email from my ex-girlfriend asking me if I sent something to her work place. 

I replied, “Sorry, I don’t fight battles I can’t win, must be some other sucker.”

View 4 comments

The Point of All This Livin’ Is the Dying Yet to Come 5 comments

Posted by grampa in the real shit (Wednesday February 6, 2008 at 10:42 am)

Well, color me shocked.  Heath Ledger died of an “accidental” drug overdose.

Now, of course, it’s being said that it was just a combination of the drugs which caused the death, but the amounts of each in his system aren’t being released.  The family claims that they were all within prescribed dosages.

However, I seem to recall a report of a rolled up $20 bill at the scene, along with packets of an “unknown substance.”  Now, just ignoring the packets, one of the drugs in his system was Oxycontin and, having snorted a whole shit load of those bad boys (before figuring out that you got a lot more out of them if you bypassed the middle man and shot them directly into your bloodstream),  my method of choice for snorting was the rolled up bill, which I would then lick clean of all residue – you know, to get all the good shit.

Now, I’m not celebrating the death of this actor.  As I have written elsewhere, I enjoyed his movies and it really is a loss to the acting community.  However, hopefully the acting community, and the community at large, will take heed and begin to understand that it doesn’t matter if you buy your smack in the warzone in Philly or at your local Walgreens, the shit will fucking kill you.

Sadly, however, no one will notice, no one will change, no one will stop and more people will die.  As long as people make the distinction between “Oh, this is legal, prescribed, I got it from my doctor,” and “Hey man, can a get a bundle?” then stupid people are going to make stupid mistakes and they’re going to die.

View 5 comments

Junkie, Heal Thyself 9 comments

Posted by grampa in health,the real shit (Tuesday February 5, 2008 at 10:26 pm)

Yeah, so life’s been a bit crazy of late, what with thinking about my future employment, trying to find a new house mate (Madmartigan, move the fuck back to this island, dickface), getting in my daily exercise and dealing with the fact that six to ten inches of rain have fallen here nearly every day for the last two weeks.

Still, I get my lifting in, do my cardio, try and make the rent for next month while desperately seeking a warm body to fill this empty space in my house. Oh, yeah, and I go to work, too.

And, I haven’t smoked a cigarette since last Monday and I still haven’t killed anyone, even though I did have a 3 hour NA service meeting on Sunday morning. I’ve mentioned this meeting before here.

But, I’m happy to say, I had my last appointment with the liver specialist today and, at one year post-interferon treatment, the Hepatitis C virus is still completely undetectable in my system.

Hence, I’m fuck’n cured, bitches! And on December 12,2007, I made four years clean and sober.

And, you know what, that whole not dying thing is kinda cool. So I’m not really going to sweat the small stuff.

I don’t know what this life has in store for me, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll come out clean on the other side.

View 9 comments

For Dad 4 comments

Posted by grampa in family,the real shit (Friday February 1, 2008 at 10:44 am)

The Muse Never Dies

I keep meeting this girl
this broken girl
beautiful, but like a broken toy
or Humpty Dumpty after all efforts
of the King’s horses and men
and I can never fix her
so I no longer even try.

I fuck her silly
for as long as she’ll let me
then, as we circle
ever and ever closer
to the edge of emotion, she,
like a deer in the headlights,
stops — cold,
catches herself,
and bolts.

Me, like a dumbass
I usually fall (or do I leap?)
off the edge.
But what can I say?
Misery was my only companion
for many a year and
I love both the love,
as well as the loss.

Perhaps I’m too nice,
perhaps they’re too broken,
but I’ve been broken before.
And I’ll be damned if I fear
flying too close to the sun.
So, as soon as the bleeding stops
as soon as my wings flex again,
I fly.

View 4 comments
Next Page »